To have good relationships, you need to be able to “relate” to people. According to John Gottman, Ph.D. in his book, The Relationship Cure, there are 6 key things we can do to enhance our connections with others. Start a Relationships Notebook to track your progress on these six steps.

Step One: Be mindful of others. Pay attention to the emotional needs of others. To do this you need to be fully present with them (not thinking of your grocery list while they are talking) and you need to be aware of your goals for your relationship with them. Is your goal to be the powerful or controlling one? Or is your goal emotional connection? In your “Relationships” Notebook, each day make a page for “Emotional Moments”. These are times when you connected on an emotional level with another person. It could be your wife, daughter, coworker, or anyone else you have a relationship with. Try to have at least 3 per day. After a while, you will notice that it starts to come naturally and your own level of emotional satisfaction with your relationships will grow.

In making your notebook entries, consider how you knew this person feeling an emotion and needing to make a connection with you. Was it something in their voice, facial expression, gesture or some other way? What did they need from you? Was it a listening ear, a hug, pat on the back, or a little humor and diversion? How did you communicate to this person that you truly heard and understood what their need was? What was their reaction? What were the effects of the interaction on the relationship and on you? How did you feel about yourself afterwards?