3 - How you behave: Has anyone ever told you that you raise your voice when you are angry? Or that you become very quiet when you are sad? Learning to recognize how you act when you are upset can help you make conscious decisions about how you want to behave when you are upset.

4 - What triggers you: A trigger is something (such as a person, place, object, or situation) that makes you start thinking or feeling something you would not otherwise have thought or felt. Many people are familiar with the concept of triggers from smoking cessation programs or 12 Step programs. In those instances, a trigger for the morning cigarette, for example, might be having a cup of coffee on the back porch. The plan for dealing with it might be to postpone the first cup of coffee until work or with breakfast.

An emotional trigger might be your partner coming home later than expected. They may have a perfectly good reason, but something in your past makes "coming home late" a trigger for abandonment fears - so you become angry. Identify your triggers by watching for the things that seem to set you off for no reason. Write them down and generate a plan for handling them so that they don't catch you off guard.

5 - Know your own standards: Most people have a set of beliefs about what is appropriate behavior in a given situation. For example, when you are having a discussion with a friend, is it more appropriate to be yelling and cursing at them, or having a calm discussion? Compare your own behavior to your standards. When it doesn't meet, that is probably a sign that you are upset.

Click the arrow below to begin learning how to use this awareness to change your behavior.