An important concept to understand in gaining control of your emotions is that of Automatic Reactions. Sometimes, emotional reactions are so fast they become virtually automatic. Automatic responses can be helpful. They make us jump rather than consider whether to have a conversation with a snake.

Then when are automatic responses a problem? They are a problem when your reactions to an emotional situation cause you to react in a way that causes harm to yourself or someone else. This does not have to be obvious physical or even verbal harm, although those are certainly automatic reactions for many people that do cause obvious harm. It can also be much more subtle, such as:

• Causing you to withdraw your attention from your partner or your child,
• Developing feelings of helplessness and inadequacy at work,
• Being unable to experience the joyful moments in life because of a constant state of anxiety or tension.
  
  
  In short, much of what we do and how we feel about life is influenced by external and internal triggers about which we may be unaware. While becoming aware of these triggers and emotions is an important first step, we must also learn how to replace our ineffective behaviors with more effective ways of being.

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