Step Five: Get rid of a Crabby Habit of Mind.

• Some people are chronically irritable because they have a chemical imbalance like depression or a thyroid problem. However, for most of us, being crabby is a choice. You can choose to look for imperfections in the world (and there are plenty of them) or you can choose to look at the flowers instead of the weeds. In relationships this means to look for things to praise and appreciate about your partner, child, coworker or friend.
  
  Studies have shown that children with critical parents turn away from their parents in times of trouble. But children with parents who consistently praise their efforts and accomplishments are much more likely to go to their parents when things go wrong.
  
  Assignment:
• In your Relationship Notebook, for one week keep track of at least 5 incidents per day when you either felt like or did criticize someone important in your life (such as your child, spouse/partner, parent, sibling, friend).
• After you write down the specifics of the incident, think of something about that person and the incident that was worthy of praise or appreciation. Each day, go back to that person and share those bits of praise or appreciation that you have come up with. Then watch the effects these offerings have on your relationship with the person you care about and on how you feel about yourself.

It may be difficult because you probably feel that your criticism was justified. But put that aside and think of that person's good qualities and how they were apparent in that interaction. Just as a hint, when it comes to your spouse, the qualities that attracted you are often the same qualities that drive you nuts later. For example, the hard working man you fell in love with may begin to look like a workaholic when you have children. His behavior may not have changed, but the way you look at it has.