Step Six: Stop avoiding important conversations.

Often times the problem is a lack of real communication. When this is happening you may find yourself telling your spouse about problems with your boss, telling your friends about problems with your spouse, or telling your mother about problems with your sister, but not talking to the person you are having the problems with.

Avoiding the conversation you need to have can also take the form of chronic, nonspecific conflict. For example, you have concerns that your elderly mother may need to come and live with you and your spouse, but you have decided - without asking - that your spouse would probably say no, so you don’t bring it up. Instead you begin to harbor resentment about it that comes out in other ways such as not wanting to have sex, spending more time out of the house, or finding the negative in everything. Your spouse reacts negatively and the conflicts just continue to get worse.

You can resolve this by practicing “I” statements with those you love and trust in your personal life. They can take the form of “I feel _______ because _______” to get you started. Keep track of them in your Relationship Notebook and note the impact on your personal relationships of your willingness to disclose your feelings.

Next, lets explore ways that getting involved in your community can enhance your personal relationships and your own self esteem.