Getting Started

Use these exercises to help you decide what relationships in your life need to be improved and why you should improve them. Print it and keep it in your journal.

Make a list of any negative consequences in your life from your current patterns of relating to others. They may include difficulties with a co-worker, feeling you don’t know your child as well as you would like to, or feeling some distance with your spouse. Do not consider who is at fault – the issue is looking at relationships in your life that need improvement so that you can begin to learn what you can do to improve them.

Make a list of the factors in your life that would support change. Do you have a history of cancer, heart disease or other illnesses related to or made worse by stress? Your own health may depend on your ability to improve your relationships. What about your children? Would they benefit from your improved relationship with them or with your spouse?

List any barriers to improving your relating skills. Unfortunately there are always barriers to self-improvement. Make a list of all the people, things, or situations that could discourage you as you work to improve your relationships with yourself and others.

List the people in your life who would support change. Perhaps you have a friend who has not heard from you in a while who would support reconnecting with you. Your spouse or partner might enjoy learning more about building a stronger relationship too. Would your work situation improve if your skills in conflict resolution and relating to others improved?

Last but not least, write a note to yourself from the perspective of someone who cares about you and who would like to see you improve your relationship skills.